


Master of Puppets

by twilightshards



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Hate Sex, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, M/M, Self-Loathing, it's taken me forever to finish this, so now I'm gonna make y'all sad reading it, so now I'm just putting it out there before I start nitpicking it to death, this made me sad to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:28:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22001713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightshards/pseuds/twilightshards
Summary: But how many of the choices you’re making these days are truly your own? Isa whispers in his mind. Saix ignores him.
Relationships: Mentioned IsaLea/AkuSai, Saïx/Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	Master of Puppets

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place pre-KH3's ending.

Saix isn’t sure how it had all started. He only knows that aching loneliness and emptiness had seemed to consume his whole being ever since his heart had been taken from him a second time. Back in the original Organization he’d at least had Axel ( _Lea_ ), even if their relationship had broken apart. Now… he has no one. No one he can trust. No one he can turn to. He can’t even trust his own mind these days.

So he seeks out Xemnas. It’s not what he would have ever done before. In the original Organization he had only spent time around Xemnas when he had to. For meetings, to be given orders, to hand in mission reports. The new Organization have their own versions of these things, and Saix’s role as Xemnas’ second-in-command hasn’t changed much. So it stands to reason that he would not seek out Xemnas unless he has to, but that has not been the case.

The first time he hadn’t even understood it himself, but Xemnas had seemed to know what he wanted without him uttering a word. He can only assume that it is because of their connection through Xehanort’s heart. It’s uncomfortable to think about the power and control Xemnas has over him. Maybe that is why he does this. If he seeks Xemnas out by himself, then at least he will have made that choice on his own.

_But how many of the choices you’re making these days are truly your own_? Isa whispers in his mind. Saix ignores him. It’s surprising, that Isa is still there. That he’s not been smothered by Xehanort and the darkness by now. Deep down Saix knows why that is, though. _Lea_. It’s always been about Lea. The one person he could never forget, no matter how hard he’d tried.

Xemnas always makes the first move when they’re alone. This time he stands from his chair and grabs a fistful of Saix’s hair, yanking him close and pressing their lips together.

Saix snarls, bites into Xemnas’ lips, into his tongue, and presses his hands against his broad chest. He wants to feel in control, but he also wants that control taken from him. It’s what he deserves. For all the horrible things he’s done, for all of his failures and mistakes.

Xemnas always seems somewhat amused by his resistance. That’s something that’s changed between them. Xemnas would have never allowed for that kind of behaviour from him in the original Organization. Maybe he finds it funny now because he knows that there is no way for Saix to get away from them any longer, so he allows him this little display of disobedience.

He’s not certain what Xemnas gets out of this. Except a chance to further control and humiliate him, to feel even more _superior_. As if that’s even necessary at this point. It’s better not to think about it, though, so instead he focuses on what he’s here for.

Xemnas is always so in control of himself. Every move he makes seems calculated, even in situations like these. He’s rough, but not impatient when he pulls the zipper of Saix’s coat down. His hand is steady, and his expression is infuriatingly calm as he undresses Saix.

He wastes no time using his tight grip on Saix’s long hair to turn him around, pushing him down onto his stomach on the desk. It’s usually the desk. Sometimes he’ll be pressed against the wall or face down on Xemnas’ bed, but one thing always stays the same – they never do this face to face. It’s always impersonal. There is no affection between them, so why pretend?

_You used to, with Lea_. They both would, but Axel had always been better at it. He’d sounded so sincere when he’d told him that he still loved him, that it didn’t matter if they had hearts or not. Saix hadn’t been able to say it back. He had wanted to, but the words hadn’t left his lips. That should have been a first warning sign.

Isa had never been great at talking about his feelings, so it had been Lea who had confessed first. Isa had kissed him first though. Actions definitely speak louder than words sometimes.

Isa had told him that he loved him much later than Lea had, but he had done it. He’d whispered it into Lea’s ear during one of the many nights in Ansem’s castle that he’d spent holding a crying Lea in his arms .

Then he’d drawn those stupid marks on Lea’s face and told him they’d stop him from crying.

Saix shakes his head, fights against Xemnas’ hold on him, trying to clear his mind of such thoughts. It has the desired effect as Xemnas grips his hair even tighter, pressing his face down against the desk. It hurts and the pain is just what he needs to re-focus his mind. To stay in the present, to block out those memories and the small yet insistent voice of a person he’d not been in years

Xemnas undoes Saix’s pants and pulls them down along with his underwear. There is a vague sense of disgust coiling in his stomach, but he’s still half-hard, his body somehow excited. It’s easier to deal with when he cannot actually feel the shame his mind remembers for him.

Saliva doesn’t make for good lubrication, but Saix wants the pain that comes with the not-slick-enough fingers thrusting inside of him. It makes him gasp and dig his nails into the wooden desk beneath him. Xemnas’ fingers move with practiced ease, loosening him up enough to make entry possible, but not enough to not cause pain.

After a moment, he pulls the fingers out, lets go of Saix’s hair and grips at his hips with both hands. Saix knows what’s coming and he tries to prepare himself for it, but despite all the times that this happened, he’s never really learned how to brace for the immense pain that comes when Xemnas thrusts all the way inside of him with one powerful movement.

And it’s just what he wants. The pain makes his mind blank out, and even if he had wanted to – he would not have been able to think about anything else than the agony that rushes up his spine. He doesn’t scream or cry out, but small gasps of pain-mixed pleasure leave his mouth as his nails makes dents into the wood beneath him.

Xemnas barely makes any sounds at all during this. His breathing is heavier and occasionally a barely audible grunt may escape his lips, but other than that he is practically silent. Saix doesn’t make much sound either, but the quiet gasps and groans that leave his mouth seem so loud in comparison. Not even the creaking of the desk or the sound of flesh against flesh seem to quite drown out his shameful noises.

Xemnas never touches Saix’s cock. Saix prefers it that way. That way when he reaches between his own legs and wraps his fingers around it he can almost pretend that it isn’t Xemnas’ thrusts into him that’s making him come, that it isn’t Xemnas’ hands on his hips or his fingers pulling at his hair that makes his body tense up in pleasure. No, it’s his own hand, stroking himself to completion that does it.

If there is anything Saix is adept at, it’s the art of denial.

Xemnas always comes after Saix does. He grips hard at Saix’s hip with one hand, and pulls at his hair with the other – hard enough to force Saix’s head up from against the desk. He gasps in pain as Xemnas stills inside of him, his body tense against the other man’s. Seconds later he’s releasing, pouring sticky warmth into Saix’s body. The feeling disgusts him, humiliates him.

But he wanted this, asked for this. Didn’t he?

Once it’s over Saix stands up on shaky legs and silently pulls his boxers and pants back on, followed by the coat that lays discarded on the floor. They never speak after. Saix doesn’t even look at Xemnas as he lifts his hand to make a Dark Corridor out of there.

“Saix.” He tenses at the sound of Xemnas’ voice in the cold, quiet room. This never happens. He slowly turns around to face his Superior. Xemnas is sitting in his chair, looking for all the worlds as though nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. Though, at this point, this is not so much out of the ordinary any longer.

“Tomorrow is a momentous day,” he says, “Get some rest.” There is a small smirk playing on his lips as he speaks.

Saix nods and gives a stiff bow of his head. “Yes, sir.” It is all he says before he leaves through the portal.

Saix drags his aching, exhausted body into the shower. There are bruises on his hips, but they are already fading. No marks ever remain for long on this husk. He touches the scar on his forehead and wishes that held true for that inflicted on him before the loss of his heart.

Xemnas’ words ring in his ears. Tomorrow. The war. Exactly what he doesn’t want to think about, exactly what he had been trying to forget by letting Xemnas bend him over his desk. Still, the exhaustion he feels in his body doesn’t allow him to fall too deep into thoughts best avoided and when he finally lays down in bed he knows he’ll fall asleep quickly this time too. He always does after one of these encounters with Xemnas. 

He has died three times already. Tomorrow will likely make it a fourth. As he closes his eyes he hopes that this time will be the last. 


End file.
